Raising your vibration....

Recently I have struggled with keeping my vibration high like many other people in these changing times. I make sure to get up every morning an hour before my daughter gets up to meditate and pray. I found that this was just not enough for me counteract all the negativity in the world....particularly Facebook. It seems like when I open Facebook I have to see 10 negative posts to get to one positive uplifting post.

I became exhausted and in tears one day vowing to never go on Facebook again to save my own mental health so I can be the mother I always desired to be. I now meditate twice a day. An hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon while my daughter naps. It was helping but I still was finding myself falling into negativity and fear easily when I look at Facebook or the media.

I prayed and meditated on it and the answer that came was to stay on Facebook and to challenge myself daily to keep my vibration high enough that I do not feel the need to react emotionally, physically or mentally to the negativity in the world. To be able to view it and not internalize it into my body. This is not easy for me at all.

I am an empath. Empaths are highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling. Psychologists may use the term empath to describe a person that experiences a great deal of empathy, often to the point of taking on the pain of others at their own expense.

My ego self wants to just hide and get off Facebook since it is easier to just not see it. It would be so much easier considering we live on a river in the woods with no wifi or cell service. But I am realizing that is not healthy for me to hide....it stunts my growth...I can't just hide when things are bad. I want to teach my daughter how to live life to the fullest and not be pulled down by darkness. I want her to teach her to embrace the darkness and move through it rather than to live with it and accept it as the norm.

I am not perfect by any means. I am yearning for my energy and thoughts to emulate people like Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jane Goodall, Jesus, Nelson Mandela, and the many other ascended masters. I believe we must be the change in the world that we are desiring.

I started chanting all day long everyday last week. My husband is a little tired of hearing the same song on repeat and listening to me singing along but he says he prefers when I have a high vibration so he doesn't mind. We are complete opposites but we both respect each others differences. He knows I am a sensitive being and need more than others at times.

I sing along while cooking, cleaning, walking, etc.

We have even noticed our daughter Cora having less melt downs by yearning to keep our vibrations high in our family. Although my husband does not chant we meditate together and watch GAIA TV at night instead of regular cable.

I truly believe that the more each and every one of us raises our own vibrations we can collectively change the world. Chanting may not be everyone's thing but it has helped me tremendously lately.

The song that randomly popped up on youtube after listening to a guided meditation by Deepak Chopra last week was "Light Of Your Grace" by Sam Garret.

The lyrics are:

Om bhur bhuva svaha, Tat savitur varenyam Bhargo devasya dhimahi, Dhiyo yo nah prachodayat (4)

I feel light guiding our way home I see light, essence of our soul. I am light, in my heart I know We are light, together we are whole.

Om Arkaya namaha, Arkaya Om Arkaya namaha (3)

I feel light guiding our way home I see light, essence of our soul. I am light, in my heart I know We are light, together we are whole

Om bhur bhuva svaha, Tat savitur varenyam Bhargo devasya Dhimahi, Dhiyo yo nah prachodayat (4)

You can watch it live here:

Here are some more favorite songs I love for chanting:

KRISHNA DAS

I wanna know what Love is I want You to show me I wanna feel what Love is I know You can show me

Jayantii Manggalaa Kaalii Bhadrakaalii Kapaalinii Durgaa Shivaa Kssamaa Dhaatrii Svaahaa Svadhaa Namostu Te Madhu-Kaittabha-Vidhvamsi Vidhaatr-Varade Namah Mahissaasura-Nirnaashi Bhaktaanaam Sukhade Namah Dehi Saubhaagyam-Aarogyam Dehi Devi Param Sukham Vidhehi Devi Kalyaannam Vidhehi Vipulaam Shriyam Himaacala-Sutaa-Naatha-Samstute Param-eshvari Indraannii-Pati-Sadbhaava-Puujite Param-eshvari Ruupam Dehi Jayam Dehi Yasho Dehi Dvisso Jahi

SNATNAM KAUR

Oh, my beloved

Kindness of the heart Breath of life I bow to you And Im coming home And Im coming And Im coming home And Im coming Ong namo guru dev namo Ong namo (I bow to the subtle divine wisdom) Guru dev namo (I bow to the divine teacher within) Guru dev guru dev namo. Ong namo guru dev namo... Guru dev guru dev namo... Ong namo guru dev namo... Oh, my beloved Kindness of the heart Breath of life I bow to you Divine teacher Beloved friend

I bow to you Again and again

Lotus sitting on the water, guru dev guru dev namo Beyond time and space, guru dev guru dev namo This is your way, guru dev guru dev namo This is your grace, guru dev guru dev namo Ong namo guru dev namo ... Namo namo, namo namo... Guru dev guru dev namo... Ong namo guru dev namo... This is your way, This is your grace... This is your way, This is your grace...

Am I still the sick girl since I have been all my life?

Or am a Phoenix rising from the ashes of of hellish torture?

Fortunately I am choosing the Phoenix.....I always wanted to fly.....so here goes.

Age 33 was lovely......divorced, bankrupt and losing both my homes, while I worked my ass off. None of this was due to be being lazy. I worked 5 jobs to try to get our mortgages paid through the recession. Basically I allowed men to live off of me during those years for money. I chose to take it so I knew what I was doing. Somehow I thought they would return the love. I was buying LOVE.

I bought over $100,000 worth of love from a man and ended up with nothing. No voice, no power, no money, no kids, no husband, no dreams. Too many dreams had left....I was a shell of woman with only despair and everyone looking at me like I am an idiot since I bailed him out of all his debt while I worked for it.

Realizing at age 33 my soul was crushed in ways I couldn't even imagine. My dreams ran out and no way to take care of myself since my health problems were escalating and the economy was horrible at the time. No apology, no love....just despair and health issues spiraling out of control.

34- Met the love of my life! But before I knew it I was ripping him to shreds in my head on our first date. Like every woman does if the guy is too nice. Most women I know anyway.

A loud voice screamed in my head at the dinner table "Just shut the hell up and enjoy your dinner! He just drove your butt all the way up to Seattle to your favorite restaurant....just enjoy the company and be polite."

At that point I submitted and said ok I will just ditch him after dinner, but have fun in meantime.

Once he kissed me it was all over......I love this man so much my heart aches all the time with love for him. This is the true love I had always been searching for. Seeing him as a Father to his boys made me fall even more in love with him.

This man has truly helped me find the way to me. The real Jessica without sickness. The girl always hiding her true self only showing what she thought others wanted to see to make them happy. Never realizing in the end she was always left unhappy and none came to rescue her like she did for so many others.

So then I turned 38 and spent well over $100,000 to get pregnant or adopt. It was a shit show how that all went down. Anyone who knows me knows this was impossible. Hardly able to keep my body up at this point as the pain was increasing big time daily. I was beyond desperate but just kept doing what I always do...acted my way into saying I am fine. I would sob through the day and night silently from pain.....never ending physical pain. I would beg God to help me. My pain grew so intense I would have no other choice than to sit there for hours paralyzed by pain.

I will never forget the news of being diagnosed with Lyme Disease. Hit me so hard....silently plotting my suicide. That's what my Dad did so may as well follow....his chronic pain ate him alive. He was in so much physical pain he couldn’t function.

But once my doctor calmed me down I felt better thinking well at least I have insurance to cover it. I finally after 38 years of pain know WHY!

Ya no such luck. Insurance doesn't cover that disease and don't forget this is the disease that makes you look crazy and people will accuse you of faking it. Awesome......now what?!

And.....that's when I took matters into my own hands.

I was so far down the hole of despair at that point all I could see was black. Black sticky tar.....dragging my body through it. Screaming at me to keep moving because if I stop moving I won't be able to get back up.

I knew suicide was not the answer. My Mom already lived through my Dad's suicide....can't do that to her.

Walking up all night never having sleep taught me just how much I needed to love myself. I sobbed for hours and days and days sobbing out all the trauma to let this shit go once and for all. I had no clue how much my body held onto trauma.

All my organs had shut down and i dropped to 98 pounds. All the doctors told me to make sure and eat even when it was coming out the same way it went in. Didn't matter what I ate it I was unable to digest anything. At this point i had none who could help me....but me.

I chose LIFE

I chose LIGHT

I chose to rise like the PHOENIX

I slowly started to see myself for who I really was.....a scared girl too afraid to show herself. Not the bitch I made myself out to be.

This blog is about my path and the many crazy ways I learned to heal when I took matter into my own hands to become my own Doctor.

JA WITH love

Raising your vibration....

Who Am I?